This is another thing I thought I had written about already, but apparently I didn’t. This started out innocently enough, but ended up being a story I like to share because it made me so proud of my daughter and at the same time, it validated me.
Our daughter, the one who actually enjoys reading, came to me one morning and asked if I would take her to the library to return some books and check out some others. Sure I said.
We live in a college town. Most of us who still live here were drawn in by attending school and then grew up, got jobs and never left. That certainly was my experience. Therefore my library use was relegated to the university not the public system. I had no card there, no identity there and I was going there for the first time.
In we walked with her late books, and right before we go in she says to me oh crap, I don’t have my card. Swell. I said well we’ll talk to them, see what we can do. So we go in, go up to the desk and explain to the fellow that we were there to return some over due books, and wanted to check out others but didn’t have her card. He says to us, well either your Mom can put the new books on her card or you can get a replacement card for a small fee. Ok. I had no card, didn’t really want one, so I asked, what do we have to do to get her another card? The guy asks her name, she tells him, he enters it in the computer then asks for my ID. The address for her that was in their system happened to be her Mother’s address. The fellow said to my daughter, we don’t show you at this address…referring to my ID. She said oh that’s my Mother’s address, this is my Step Mom. This 20 something guy looks at me and says, oh well…we’ll need her real parent to be the one who signs for the new card. I was kind of at a loss for words but my daughter wasn’t. She piped up and said excuse me, what did you just say to her? That was rude! She is a real parent!
I had a flashback to this little ole gal I used to know who was horrified to speak up and order her own pizza slice. I remember pushing both of the girls to be more self reliant…stretch…Here she was defending me to some stranger employee of the library. My heart swelled. Right then I couldn’t have cared less what this guy had said to me, though it was quite rude and as I tuned back in I heard her further say…this woman is my Step Mother and she deserves better than that! I was so so proud of her and dang it, it felt pretty good. So I ended up telling the guy ok ok….check me out a card, which I haven’t used since, by the way. I then let her go on, told her I’d wait around.
She went off to look at books and I tried to be cool, so I grabbed a periodical and had a seat. Just a very few minutes after that another guy came up to me and said…Mam you can’t sit here. You can only sit here if you are using a computer. Oh, sorry I said. I had been trying to avoid sitting by all the folks who, I’m sorry, sort of looked like they were hanging out in the library just to be in air conditioned quarters if you know what I’m saying. So I picked up,and moved but I saw another possibility. I sat there, started to read my magazine and yet another well wisher came up to me and said …I’m sorry mam, you have to be 18 or under to sit here. Well obviously that was not the area for me so I ended up going to sit by my slightly smelly new friends, hoping my daughter would hurry the heck up. She finally had her selections, we checked out with our new best friend at the check out (rude guy1) and out we went. I decided it would probably be a cold day way down yonder before I went back to our good old public library! I didn’t feel very welcomed there and I haven’t been back.
Lessons learned
- Just because we aren’t a child’s biological parent doesn’t mean we aren’t real parents. Parent is not only a relationship it is also a verb. I think, all things considered, I have been almost as active a participant in the raising of these children since we came together, as their Mother has. With the split custody arrangement we have lived, they have been with me as much as with their Mother and our time has been active parenting time for me.
- All employers everywhere need to put their employees through a little sensitivity training if they are dealing with the public. I dismissed that library kid for what he was…a young inexperienced and insensitive boob. But seriously, what he said to me that day and the way he said it was hurtful and rude. Sheez.
- Your kids will surprise you in good ways sometimes. This girl, who had a real self confidence problem once upon a time, took this guy on! She defended me and I have to say, that was pretty cool!
Good StepMom
