One day I was approached by my husband and he said innocently enough “I volunteered us for hosting a team dinner”. I just looked at him and said, oh ok, what does that mean for us? I had provided dishes for team dinners in the past but had never hosted one. He said that hardly anyone had volunteered at the parent’s meeting so he felt bad for them and offered us up. He said the girls’ soccer teams, their coaches and some parents would come over and eat a quick dinner. How many people are we talking I asked and he said oh could be between 30-50 if everyone comes, oh good lord!
So we had a few weeks to think about it and as the date he had selected came closer, we began to plan. I was thinking of things that would be easily made ahead and then heated the night of the dinner. One of our girls wanted a pasta bar with a red sauce and an Alfredo sauce. That sounded good but like a lot of work trying to keep the pasta hot. I was thinking about Lasagna; make 3-4 of them, a couple of big salads and a few loaves garlic bread. Our other daughter said that every team dinner they had up to that point had been pasta and the team was sick of it. They were encouraged to eat carbs before playing, which is probably why most people opted to do pasta. We came up with the concept of a taco bar. So either we would do a pasta bar or a taco bar. Settled.
A few days later we had decided we’d try the pasta bar and just before I went grocery shopping, the girls came back from their Mothers. They relayed to us with great excitement that their Mom had called their soccer coach and had offered to host a dinner also, a week before ours. Really? Well what is she going to have, I asked…guess what, a pasta bar. Hmm. Wasn’t that nice. Sorry, sarcasm. I don’t do that very often. We will just leave to the imagination what moved the kids Mother to make that decision, book a date the week before our dinner and serve what we had been going to serve. I held my tongue and quickly regrouped to plan B, a taco bar. Oh don’t get me wrong, in private I shared my thoughts with my husband, why would she do such a thing? The only thing we could think of was that she just couldn’t allow us or me to do this for the girls, she had to at least do it for them first. Things like this are very aggravating and really put to the test my ability to keep my opinions to myself and not slip and say something in front of the kids. Instead, what came out of my mouth almost as if by habit, was something like, well that’s great and very nice of her to do.
I went shopping for the dinner and in the middle of it with my cart half full, I got a call from the kids’ Mother. One of the girls had just had a major blowout with her boyfriend and was heartsick at school, needed to come home. Their Mom works in a neighboring city, she said our daughter didn’t want to face her Dad with it, so wanted to know if I could go get our daughter and bring her home. I called the school, made arrangements for her to wait in the office and blew threw the rest of my shopping so I could go get her. I picked her up, we did some talking about things and I went to deposit her at home, then lug in something like $450.00 in groceries.
The girls went to their Moms and when they came home again they said that their Mother had called one of our local grocers on the way home from a ball game the night before her team dinner and had the whole thing catered (smart move). Then the night of her dinner, unfortunately not a lot of the girls showed, they had a good time, but threw out a lot of food. I said geez that’s too bad, no one wants to go to that kind of trouble and expense to have that happen. I actually meant it.
So three days in advance we begin the preparation for our home made taco bar. We had another team Mom’s help thank goodness. We had great weather, had tables set up inside and out and quite the spread put out. I even decorated the house with their school colors and little soccer ball tablepieces. We probably had about 6 girls come total, that’s it. I am serious as a heartbattack. No other parents came, the coaches didn’t come, none of the Seniors came, it was so disheartening. We sent home to go plates, bagged and froze all we could and had variations of taco this and that for dinner ourselves for the rest of the month. We were to be honest, upset. Why would the school encourage this sort of activity if the coach wasn’t even committed enough to come and to mandate the team dinners. I mean, if you talk parents into holding these things and into spending hundreds of dollars for the privilege, why wouldn’t you do everything possible to see that they were well attended? Our girls felt terrible, they knew we had gone to alot of trouble but heck, it wasn’t their fault. We won’t be hosting another one. Days later after he had time to think about it, my husband contacted the coach and the school. He let them know what had happened not only to us but to the girls’ Mother, and suggested that if they wanted to continue with the team dinner concept, perhaps they should switch to pot lucks. That way at least all a family was out would be one dish, not an entire dinner for 50.
Lessons learned
Beware. If you one day volunteer to host a team dinner, find out a way to get rsvps and don’t feel a bit funny about it. What happened to us was ridiculous.
It may happen from time to time that the kids’ Mother does something which on the surface seems completely crappy. Have your moment privately, then let it go. It won’t do any of you any good to dwell on it. And whatever you do, don’t voice your feelings in front of the kids. Remember, take the high road!
Sometimes when something bad happens as a result of you trying to do something nice for your kids, you just don’t have to say anything. The kids probably already feel bad enough.
Good Step Mom
