Becoming a Step Mom has allowed me to do things I thought I was never going to be able to do. Although my parents were divorced, my Mom and Dad were pretty good at making sure we got as much of the normal kid experiences as we could. Things like coloring Easter Eggs, making Halloween costumes, carving pumpkins, making home made snow cream, these were all things my parents shared with my Brother and I and to their credit. These things stayed with me, and the way things were going, prior to meeting my current husband, I never thought I was going to be able to pass all this on, at least not to my own kids.
I got together with my husband in the spring, the first holiday that came around that was kidnificant was Halloween. Yeah I made that word up just now, kidnificant! Anyway, so my new fella asked me if I wanted to come along with them trick or treating. Sure I said. When I arrived at his home, he explained to me that per the “arrangement” they split the kids on Halloween. Huh? I’m not kidding, these folks walked behind their children, on opposing sides of the street, so neither parent missed out on the experience. Good lord. See post called “the arrangement”. So the girls were all a dither….their brother, at the ripe old age of 14, was way too mature and cool to participate….so he just walked up the street with us acting disinterested but eating candy, mind you. I was immediately struck by their lack of effort in dressing up. See, I come from a long line of Halloween dressing up fools so I just didn’t get it. I said so what are you going to be? They said they were going as soccer players. Huh? So what they did was don their regular soccer uniforms, that was it. Are you kidding me? We spent the evening walking on opposing sides of the street, their Mother with her boyfriend and us two, with the poor kids bouncing back and forth between us like a bad game of pin ball. For the remaining years the girls cared to participate in trick or treat, I influenced them to at least try a little harder to get into the spirit of things. Now they help take their baby brother around which they are having fun doing. I was a zombie this year as I went along with them; my little boy will grow up getting into the spirit just a tad more than his sisters and brother did.
Moving on to Thanksgiving. I’m from the south so there are some dishes I have to have to have to have on that day which were foreign to them but they’ve come to expect and tolerate, though not eat. Things like greens, pimento cheese stuffed celery, cornbread dressing, fried okra, sweet potatoes, ambrosia or Waldorf salad…yummo. Our family for years, rented a place down south and all came together there to celebrate. Our first year together I was able to invite them all with us down to Florida. I made several pies to take, we boarded a private jet (my Step Father’s contribution) and we went to the beach for the holiday. My husband makes the best mashed potatoes which was his contribution that year, we all had a great time. From that point forward, we have our own way of celebrating; Dad does turkey and potatoes, I do the rest. We eat way too much and do a whole bunch of nothing and watch football.
Christmas came around and now I thought hey, Christmas cookies and all that. The girls and I made batches and batches of homemade cookies. What a mess but cute and memorable at least for me. We hosted a holiday sleep over one year and I made this our activity for the girls, we all made home made gingerbread people, and each girl was able to take home a bag of their creations. Once I made ginger bread parts from scratch and that year I sat with the girls one weekend and each made her own gingerbread house. Again what a mess and what a hoot. One girl, the artistic perfectionist must have started over ten times and cried the whole way through; the other girl, who pretty much takes a let’s get her done approach to most things and who, let’s say, does not have high attention to detail on crafts, made the leaning house with the roof that cracked and caved in. Those gingerbread houses were just as different as the two girls’ personalities, they were priceless and once Feb rolled around and they were all dried out and crumbly, it broke my heart to have to throw them out.
That first winter I introduced them to egg nog and snow cream. Their idea, and not a bad one, was to combine those two things and we created what we called Snog, a drink we try to make every year weather permitting.
Once the first Easter rolled around we’re into Easter baskets which their Dad had always done and was very good at. My contribution was making sure we colored and decorated Easter eggs. We never ate them because they don’t eat hard boiled eggs, but that’s ok…we got to experience it together and that’s the main thing.
I enjoyed getting to do these things with the girls. Our oldest figured these activities cut way too far into his cool quotient to ever be seen participating in, so he declined but sat around looking amused. Except for the Snog…that might even have been his idea, I don’t remember. I knew when it was all happening that I should enjoy it because it wouldn’t be long before they’d all be too grown to want to do these activities any more. Now that we have little man, maybe they’ll want to help show him about all these things and maybe just maybe to my grandkids too someday.
Lessons learned
- People and families are different. My husband’s family didn’t have money to spare, so his participation in kidnificant holiday activities I suspect was minimal. His parents did the very best they could but I believe it did affect his enthusiasm when it comes to this sort of thing. The kids’ Mother, if they are to be believed, I think also for whatever reasons had a certain ho hum attitude toward these things as well. No wonder it all seemed so new to them at the ripe old ages they were. I am glad I could come at them with a little different approach, I like to think it was a positive influence during their formative years.
- Being a Step Mom can be very rewarding, it can allow you opportunities you may never have had otherwise. Embrace that. Life brought you all together for a reason, or at least that’s what I think.
Good Step Mom
