I fully credit that I did as well as I did
after the death of my first husband to the fact that I had a wonderful support system. I had my family of course and that can’t be understated. They helped me in more ways than I can even say. I also had several good friends though, who never let me be alone for too long a stretch of time without getting me out and about or without coming over to share food and wine. I knew they were there and it meant everything. After I met my current husband I know that they were all very happy for me. They sort of checked him out and then stood back to let things happen. Most of the people I had forged friendships with through the years were either people without children or people whose kids were older. Not all but most. While they all seemed to be very happy for me, there were some who I think weren’t sure how to relate to me any more. My life was changing, my priorities were changing and little by little those friends just sort of took a back seat approach. They are still around, and we’re still friends, it’s just different and that’s ok.
I have one good friend who is sort of like Phoebe Buffay on the sit com Friends. Loyal, a good gal, a bit out there…I love her…she doesn’t like children. Makes no bones about it. During my pregnancy I think I saw her once. She had her own thing going on, but watching me get bigger and my ankles swell wasn’t her idea of a good time. I met her for lunch one day after I had my baby. He was just a few weeks old and sat completely quiet in his car seat throughout our entire meal. When we met, we gave each other a hug and she looked at him, remarked how cute he was and then said “I don’t want to hold him” to which I said “ok, you don’t have to”. She seemed to relax after that. I wasn’t going to force it and I know she was glad. Naturally to me he is the cutest, smartest, funniest best child thats ever been, its weird she doesn’t see it! 🙂 We still call each other, catch up and get together occasionally, but usually at times when the girls are with their Mother and my husband stays home with the baby or the baby is sleeping. It’s ok. It is what it is.
I have other friends who have young kids or grown children and who have embraced my new family with open arms. I guess you have to go through being a parent yourself before you can truly appreciate how life changing it is. They understand that my priorities have shifted and they have sort of gone with the flow and I appreciate it.
And I am making new friends. All the different activities the kids are into have lead me to new friendships as well and our newest addition, as he comes up, will lead me to even more new friends I’m sure.
I love my old friends, am thankful for the new friendships I have forged and look forward to the friends I have yet to meet.
Lessons learned:
- Things change when you become a parent by whatever means. If we thought otherwise we just weren’t thinking.
- Your friends will remain your friends throughout your life. Sometimes people sort of drop back and that’s ok. If those friendships matter to you, then take the initiative to keep them alive.
- Sometimes friends get you through, don’t lose those who matter to you if you can at all help it.
- Having your friends and your new family is the best of everything…aim for it!
Good StepMom
