This is one of my favorite stories about our Oldest son. So he starts to learn to drive (he was so bad at it!!!) and his Grandfather gives him a car that dies just a few months after he had it. Mechanical, wasn’t his fault. Of course our son had torn the bumpers off by hitting things with it, but I digress. His Dad promises to help him find a good sound used car, but I guess it wasn’t on our son’s timeline. So his Mother’s boyfriend has a friend who knows a guy (one of those deals) who resurrects a car from a salvage yard and “fixes it up” for our son. His Mother tells him he has to spend his own money to buy this car (we would have matched on a good car had he been more patient) and she also requires that he pay to insure it. Pretty steep for a young man still in High School, playing sports actively and only able to work part time bussing tables. Nothing wrong with him helping pay for it all, I think that’s good, anyway he accepted the terms. This was quite the topic in our home between Father and Son. My husband felt quite strongly that the first car should be a good, reliable and safe car, had wanted to be part of that decision and planned to throw in a contribution to help pay for it. Our son just wanted a car, so he went with his Mom’s boyfriend’s suggestion and got this other car. His Father was very displeased with this entire situation, not only did he think a resurrected car from a junkyard was a bad idea, he was also hurt to be shut out of the entire thing and that his advice was disregarded.
Our son drives up in his “new” car and before I could take a breath, my husband stops me and says “don’t you go out there and tell him what a nice car he has…I know you, and you’re too nice…so just say nothing. Ok. I said, I won’t be nice. So I say nothing but it was hard not to throw him a bone. Next morning we’re getting ready for work and the kids for school and our son sheepishly sticks his head through our bedroom door and calls my name. He said quietly, “Christy, do you have any jumper cables”? Ok, I really had to work hard not to bust out laughing, but the poor kid looked so pitiful, so instead I said “Oh, bud, I don’t, I’m sorry”. He looked up at me and said, my car won’t start. I’m going to have to ask Dad, huh? I told him to go on and fix himself some cereal or something and let me talk to his Dad. I go find my husband and relay to him the situation and I said our son was in a spot. I told my husband that he might consider that nothing he could say at this point would make our son feel any worse than he was already feeling, did he think he could go help a fellow out? My husband muttered something under his breath, something about buying a piece of $%^# then he threw on a shirt and went out to help. When it was all said and done I asked my husband if they got the thing started and how it had gone; he said after a while they got it running and that it had been pretty quiet between them. I told my husband I thought he’d done a good thing by not pouring salt into that open wound!
Do you know the next morning, same exact thing. Unbelievable. I just looked at our son this time and he said, “I know…”
While our son was at home (he’s away at college now) during his driving career he went through 3 cars before he finally got the one he drives now, which seems to be decent. His Grandfather’s car, my late husband’s car, then the lemon. He hit things, tore bumpers off; the lemon was actually held together in the front by bungee cords. My husband said that year as we were Christmas shopping we should get him a pack of them as a stocking stuffer! We were always so happy to have him parked in front of our house! To give him a break, most all of us at one time, had a jalopy. His was so bad though, that one time his Mother’s neighbor, who was trying to do a quick sale on his home, actually came to her door and asked if the car could be moved during the time he showed his house….I thought THAT was funny!
Lessons Learned
- When it comes time for the kids to drive, it would be nice if there was agreement between the parents on which car to get, from where and when and how it is to be funded. It would be helpful if it were settled on before the kid starts to have a conniption fit about actually getting a car.
- Sometimes the Step Mom just has to be a buffer.
- There will be times with your kids where you just don’t have to say anything. There is no good to come from rubbing their noses in things.
- It is my advice not to go shopping for a car in a salvage yard. Experience has taught me that if a car is taken there, it should be a one way trip!
Good Step Mom
