Oh no she didn’t
But apparently I guess she did. Remember my earlier post about the stolen money from our cash box? The day after we got back from seeing our other daughter off to school and taking the girls out to a birthday lunch, I happened to have the day off. Our youngest twin spent that day coming and going and I spent it cleaning. At some point that day it got quiet downstairs on the main floor, my youngest and I were upstairs…One hour, two hours, three hours…and my baby son was getting on my last nerve that day for some reason….I sent him to go find out what Papa was doing…he came back up to report that his Father and Sister were in the basement talking. Uh oh….I knew this must be THE talk of talks THE one I’d asked him to have way before now and on a day I wasn’t home. So much for that. I had bugged my husband a couple of times and he wasn’t happy with me about that. I was afraid that time would diminish the potency of the message to be delivered during that talk. I was also concerned that once she returned to school, that would need to be her focus and he’d be in a spot where he’d feel like talking to her about several bottled up items, so he would need to wait…and then we’d be going on our Spring Break trip and it would blow up in all our faces and ruin our vacation. So…I had resigned myself to just not bring it up again….and lo and behold on the day before she goes back to school here we go.
I had been doing laundry among other things, and looked into this daughter’s room. In the floor were most of the same items of clothing and stuff that had been in her floor a month before when she came home for the holidays and fled the dorm. I had been going to ask her that evening if that was her best attempt at straightening her room up before she returned to college. Given that now I knew she had been with her Father some three hours by then I had decided not to go there. Only so much a gal can take I figured. My husband came upstairs alone for a couple of minutes so I asked him to have a look at her room. He said that and many more things had already been discussed. Oh. Hey he went for it! A little while after that our daughter comes up and sort of loudly starts to put things away, throw things, away and mostly I’m afraid she just crammed things in her closet (I have yet to look)…so I just kelp doing my thing, After I went downstairs with our son, eventually she came down, loaded her car with some things, told her baby brother she’d see him after a while…..hugged me told me goodbye hugged her dad told him goodbye and off she went.
The things covered that night by my husband consisted of: being 18 is not a license to come and go as you please and disrupt us in the process….never knowing where she was is one thing, being lied to about where she was is another thing, coming home at 3,4,5 or 7 am….not cool. She was told that if she is going to continue to be in our home regularly, then she’d need to pull her weight. Step mom isn’t going to clean up after someone 19 years of age or older. Pick up after yourself or go make your mess elsewhere. Lying. Habitual. Apparently she tried to justify part of it by saying it was because we don’t like her boyfriend or her friends blah blah blah. Stop lying. You’re not credible, stop lying. Tattoos. She thought she had gone this past year without us knowing that the day after she went to college she went out and got herself tattooed knowing how all three of her parents felt about it and probably in part because we all were against it. Her Dad let her know we knew, had known since she’d done it, reminded her what our stance on that is and why and then let’s talk about that boyfriend. The main message my husband threw out was why don’t you think you are as good as your brother and sister. Why do you find these people who aren’t nice to you, use you for everything they can and don’t even have the good sense or manners to try to come to your house to get to know your family. Why these “forbidden” relationships. After that my husband told her that he knows most of her paychecks are going to support Clyde. After some initial denials….she finally fessed up that she’s been providing gas, entertainment, transportation, groceries…THAT was what we were afraid of. And then it happened. He asked if she’s stolen money from us. She admitted that yes on multiple occasions she had. There it is! Her Dad told her she will pay us back, she will not be allowed back in our home without us there and the codes will be changed. She is our daughter, we love her and always will…but she is no longer trusted. Also while the iron was hot, he struck. And Clyde….if you want to know what we think of Clyde? No we don’t like him. Before he came around she never would have considered stealing. He’s shown no interest in her life or her family. He allows his girlfriend to support him. She’s nearly at probationary level her first semester of school because her focus is his lack of money, his need for a new place to live, his transportation, his broken down car. He’s a user and a jerk. I think she’s crystal on what we think now of her new situation.
Lessons Learned
I remember what its like to love a boy your parents don’t approve of. It made me even more resolved to stay with him and prove them wrong. Telling her our thoughts on the subject of Clyde was dangerous, but we felt our hand was forced. I hope it doesn’t backfire.
I would have done many things for a boy, but stealing from my family wouldn’t have been one of those things. I can not fathom having that thought much less executing it.
My husband promised our daughter he would not share this with her Mother or her brother or sister. I disagree with that. I wouldn’t have told her that. In fact, I would have insisted she tell them and that she owes her sister in particular an apology. She knew she took that money and though we all pretty much knew who took it, still she allowed the veil of doubt be on her own sister for a month before she fessed up. THAT is uncool.
My daughter I did not choose, Clyde is my choice however and I choose no Clyde.
I can’t describe the disappointment we feel at our daughter’s actions. Nor can I describe how violated we feel at having to hide things in our own home, set our alarms when we’re in town and basically stand vigil over our home and our possessions…and not because we fear what Clyde might do necessarily, but what our own daughter might do.
I love my kid and if she ever bothers to ask me to forgive her I probably will. She probably won’t ask though. She lacks the emotional maturity to do so I believe. I don’t know where this leaves us. I’ve always heard that in marriages where there is infidelity there is usually no recovery. Once trust is gone…I’m not sure you can ever really truly get it back though you may try. We’ll see I guess.
This angers me and saddens me. She could have asked for the money…I won’t lie, a little part of me will never forget this. I like to think I’m really a good person…but I just don’t think I can ever get back with her where I was; I don’t know who this person actually is I guess.
GSM
