It’s the same as it never was…
Like I mentioned before we’ve all undergone a transformation this past year. Our eldest son is about to graduate from college, we think. He went a little longer than he originally anticipated, says he’s double majoring. changed his original major; says he’s got a good opportunity at a chance to be hired by a fairly large employer, working in his chosen field. Sounds good. His chosen field is a blend of veterinary science and business. We just know what he tells us. I think we’ll actually know what’s going on the day he graduates and we go to the school and hear them tell us all what he’s earned and how he’s done. Not a good deal of communication coming this direction, we assume his Mother know more….but that’s an assumption. So he’s entering a new phase of his life that involves a new career, he’s asked his girlfriend of the last 5 years to take the plunge with him and move in together. Her parents are probably thrilled, finally a true commitment! Ha! I can’t be hypocritical. I moved in with my high school sweetie too. I get it, his Dad doesn’t. Our elder son doesn’t come around much and I hope that changes because our little boy absolutely adores him. I fear though that baby bro came along at a time when there just isn’t going to be much contact between them. I hope he can find the time to let us see more of him…we shall see.
Let’s talk about easier things first, The house. It’s cleaner, it’s less cluttered, it’s quieter. There is less laundry, fewer dishes, fewer messes. Right now anyway I cook and bake far less than I used to. Little guy isn’t making much of an impact on the grocery bill or menu yet, though he’s working on that. So instead of cooking dinner every night for 5 or more, I cook dinner about two or three times a week and we eat left overs or make due the other days. Definitely different. Often when local missey poo drops by partially in hopes that dinner might be available. more times than not she’s probably disappointed, so she camps in the pantry and eats all our crackers, cereal, cookies things like that! She too is adjusting to a new us.
Expenses. Well…it’s an off set so far. I mean we buy text books and then groceries for them when we can. We aren’t buying their clothes any more, we aren’t paying for hair, nails, incidentals, no more dances, proms, blahdy blah…No doubt the utilities are a bit less….fewer lights, tvs, less water, fewer showers, no curling or flat irons burning 24/7 etc…When we go out to eat, it’s just us three, when we go to a show…same deal….we aren’t asked for gas money every time we turn around. Or “hey let’s go get ice cream” which really meant can you spot me $15 and I’ll run for ice cream! I am not regularly saying any more things like…whose shoes are in the middle of the living room floor?? Dang it whose dishes are these? Who ate the whatever I was using for tonight’s dinner? Am I the only one who can put a paper towel roll on? etc…I still say those things but only when they visit ha!
Me and my husband. I think we’re coming off of an exhausting time as a couple. And now we have the little guy to think about. Being used to sneaking in togetherness when and where we could…and doing most everything we did with the kids mostly in mind…it’s an adjustment for sure. After we rest up a bit I am looking forward to getting somewhat reacquainted and discovering who the new us might actually be.
Our smallest. In ways it’s been most difficult for him. He’s lonely a little I think. He’s become very good at entertaining himself, though constantly asks if we want to play. I do stop what I’m doing as often as I can because I know how he must feel…we created this scenario for him by having him as late in our lives as we did, so I try to tend him in this regard. I’ve taken boat trips to the amazon, flights to far away places, safaris…painted, molded with play doh, built lego houses and lincoln log forts…gone to sea and looked for sea creatures, been a pirate…learned to kick a soccer ball, throw crappy baskets, fly airplanes… man so many things…it’s fun, and exhausting I won’t lie. It’s a time I longed for, am embracing, for which I will always be grateful and will never forget. Our boy also profits intellectually I know, by having our full attention, not having to share it very often and his verbal and development thereby is much more advanced than others his age I think.
The daughter who went to that other school calls once in a while to catch up, facetimes her little brother, has been home a couple of weekends and now has been doing a pretty good job splitting her time between here and her Moms. At first we never saw our local daughter and she never called. Then we found out her first room mate moved out and socially she was telling her sister she wasn’t making friends an was incredibly unhappy. More on room mates in a separate post. I had this vision of the girl sitting alone in that little room, not coming to hang out with us because she didn’t want us to know how unhappy she was. Slowly that changed and she began to come hang out at home more often. It now looks like to us she’s moved everything but her furniture back home and she pretty much only sleeps here, at least during this winter break as she’s either working or with her current boyfriend most of the time.
We never know when the door is going to open and one of them will walk through it. Especially true during weekends as we don’t know who is in town, who is working, not working…I never know who is coming and who is going. At first it used to upset me because I was trying to always be ever ready, always have something good on the stove, ready to accomodate. Then I had a little talk with myself to not worry about doing that anymore. The price of popping in is you get what you get. It could be that you get a hot meal, it could be we’re not home, out of town, it could be we have company ot are throwing a party, that we have compaby…hopefully it won’t someday be that they walk in on their Dad and Step mom in the throws of passion…but if it is….oh well!
We’re forging new ground. all of us. We’re going to practices, karate class, basketball games and soccer again for the little guy. I have experience though, this time around. Our youngest seems very social. We take him for play dates all the time. I can foresee many sleepovers, parties, team dinners maybe. lots of that coming our way again. As he grows up and the older kids do too, we”ll adjust again and again no doubt. As serious relationships form and turn into marriages and grandkids.
The texture of my life has become so rich and as our kids grow and change and go forward I love them and wish them only the best. I look forward to seeing where life leads us all.
Lessons learned
You just have no idea what’s going to happen with your kids. I didn’t know that, I didn’t know what that felt like and now I do.
My Father must be smiling up in heaven about now. Time was, when I began college that my Dad sang the song to me…you never call, you never visit. I would do my best to explain, roll my eyes and promise to do better and the years rolled into years. My Father wasn’t perfect but he was a good man and he’d say to me all the time…one day when you have children you’ll appreciate what I’m saying. I do. You were right Dad. You really were.
As much as we may not like it, everything changes all the time. You can fight it if you want. Won’t change it. Might as well go with it and just continue to be a good influence when you can and ride the changes…drink in moderation!
GSM
