Last night on a Saturday night, on the kid’s Mother’s weekend, I observed a room full of girls sitting at my kitchen table making over our little boy and having fun with him and I’m thinking…man about the last thing I’d think they would want to do on a Saturday night is this. They stayed till I took little guy upstairs for his bath. But two of them followed us upstairs to get in on some of that action. I think they were all dressed up with no particular plan. They eventually left but before I went to bed they came back for some reason.
I got to thinking and looking back, and I realized that we’re the hub. Our home is central HQ. Once the kids got wings, when out and about even on nights they are with their Mother, they come walking in. Maybe they need to get something. Maybe they want to grab a snack. Maybe they just came by to see what we were doing, to check on baby brother but to be sure…they will come by. Last night it was right at dinner time and I had whipped up a batch of loaded baked potato soup and a pan of corn bread. Even though they said they had just had dinner at their Mothers, our one daughter who happens to love potato soup lifted the lid off of our dinner and said oh my God is this ready? She dove in. The girls settled in our hearth room, gossiping, playing with our 3 year old…eating…and I realize, these girls are all dressed up with no plan.
A few years ago I sort of stumbled into helping the kids with creative writing. Now, kids come to our house by appointment so I can teach them how to go about putting their thoughts down on paper. Our girls’ friends come over even when the girls aren’t home but are with their Mother. Their friends have accompanied us out to football games, dinner….just hung out to watch movies…or come to write papers or do their homework… Maybe find out what’s cooking that night. They go into my pantry….turn the channel on the tv, pick up with little man..We had one girl a couple weeks ago whose Mom lives out of town and whose Dad travels extensively for work reveal to me that she’s just now entering her junior year. I wondered why she always had to have a ride! We like her a lot and she comes over frequently. Anyway, she was over one night when our girls weren’t home and said to me…so when the girls go to college….can I still come here? I said why sure honey. The ultimate compliment I think.
At times kids stop by for dinner with or without our girls being home. Tonight a friend of theirs was on a run, came by spent a couple hours, played with little guy dug into our freezer..made herself an ice cream sandwich from what she found..and then went home. She said as she left, well guess I’ll see you later…I might come by on Taco night (Thursdays) if that’s alright. I said sure kiddo any time. She said thanks for letting me hang out here…it’s more fun than sitting home at my house by myself.
There might be times when I think of complaining..why can’t we just be alone tonight, then I realize there is an honor of sorts in being the hub and one day…maybe not five years from now, with little man maybe not even 10… But one day there will be a deafening quiet…and I’ll think back to the time when we were the hub…and I’ll miss it I’m quite certain.
Lessons learned
Children represent energy…relevance…if they aren’t present some, things get missed. I may be a rookie parent… A Step parent….but I have figured that much out.
The hub is the center of that which radiates out and then draws back in. The core. The place that when you really think about it…people want to be. The touchstone…the comfort zone. If that’s the home you have created, how cool is that?
I am particularly proud that together with our children, we have created a home where their friends come, even if our kids aren’t home, to work, study, eat or just hang out..maybe just to visit, see what we’re doing…or get help with homework….that feels pretty cool, to be providing that.
Good StepMom
