Of all the articles I have written so far, this one most any married woman can relate to most especially if she has kids. Don't get me wrong, I love the life we have created and our little family and I don't mean to imply by any means that my husband doesn't contribute. He does, he does the heavy labor typical man type stuff. He just blew snow twice after blizzards these past two weeks for most of our neighbors, the ones who don't hire it done. He can fix danged near anything and seems to have this magic touch with things...when he fools with them they work. He handles all the family finances and does all the wheeling and dealing on any major purchase. He is the best danged Christmas tree light stringer I have ever ever known. He changes all the light bulbs up high, cleans the filters for the air system, power washes stuff, blows leaves, mows seasonally...he takes care of all the trees, he keeps much better track of the kids schedules than I ever have, he paints, repairs and he builds things...he's an organizing wonder when he wants to be, he can get most any spot out of something and when he cleans something...when he cleans something...it seems to look much better than when I do. He opens jars. He gets my breakfast banana and coffee ready to go weekday mornings so I can grab and go. He makes runs to the discount store to buy certain items in bulk and goes to the kids medical visits some with me some without me. He puts the trash out to the curb every Tuesday night. He dresses the baby and gets him ready for daycare. He changes the clocks for daylight savings time. He's our IT guy. He's our cable and satellite guy. He's our phone guy and he does all the grilling. He helps water the house plants. He keeps the automatic dog and cat feeders full. Prior to them being automatic I fed them all the time. He scoops litter...I think... He keeps the cars serviced, keeps air in the car tires. He is handling selling our old house, he's the landlord of his old house and became a Craigslist guru back when we were downsizing our possessions as we moved. He's handled all those transactions and there have been many. He picks our boy up at night from daycare. He puts the crock pot on when I ask him to, unless he forgets. He feeds the birds and draws all sorts of wild life into the yard and he shoots his stupid pellet gun at the squirells to chase them off of his fancy bird feeders. So he definitely does contribute. But I want to just share with you why I want a wife, and I find it completely unfair that I can't have one.
In trying to organize my thoughts I just about have to start at the beginning of a week, let's say a Monday morning, then I'll ramble on and we'll see if we are satisfied with the outcome.
I want someone to get up first, check on the baby, go downstairs, let the dogs out, make the coffee and fix our baby his glass of juice he's come to expect; let the dogs back in, give one her medicine then both a treat. I then want this gal to bring the juice up and put it right where I can get it so that later I can smile at my son as he smiles and thanks me for the juice, then I want her to go pick out our boy's clothes for the day and set those in the bedroom right next to me, and feed the goldfish while she's at it. I want her to take the baby to daycare on her way to work every day. I want someone I can rely on to tend to the baby most all the time so I can read, watch tv with my headphones on or go to my woman cave or soak in the shower...endlessly...I want someone who plans the week's menu, takes everyone's dietary needs and desires into consideration and reads labels so she's getting the most healthy food she can for our family. I want her to go to the grocery store every week with the list she's spent at least an hour putting together and get all we need for an entire week of meals. I want her to unload the groceries solo 80% of the time and be responsible for putting them away. I want her to organize the pantry and try to keep it that way. I want her to plan all our meals, and pre-cook and prep crock pots so that we eat at a decent hour because she commutes to work. I want her to cook dinner every night and clean it up, when she's done. Same with breakfasts and lunches when we're all home. I want her to pick up every time she enters a room, putting various items where they belong, I want her to empty the kitchen trash every day. I want her to always be the one who makes the call to order take out food. I want her to bathe our boy, because his whole life I have never had to do that and he's three. I want someone to pick up the socks I always leave in the floor every stinking day and read to the baby every night.
I want her to still care how she looks, so not to eat too much, get her hair done regularly, keep her nails and toes done, puts lotion on so her skin doesn't feel like sand paper. I want her to wear make-up even when she's home on weekends, dress fairly well, put on perfume so she smells good and just in general tries to take care of herself.
I want someone who decorates with the seasons, tends the flower beds, pulls weeds and waters the garden and fills the bird bath. I want someone who makes hummingbird food and keeps on me about helping keep them full. I want someone who books swim lessons for our boy and keeps up with making all his doctor, dentist and hair appointments. I want someone who, because she's an active part of our children's lives, listens to the daily drama inherent in raising teen aged girls. I want someone to worry about their hair, nails, shoes, dresses, dates, lack of dates, boutonnières and tans. I want someone to make sure we have the camera ready when we need to and who tries to take care that the older kids and their Mother have as smooth a relationship as she can...I want someone who is almost always thinking about that... Because I don't always do that.
I want someone who would go to all those early morning soccer games, and the basketball games and the volleyball games...fix snacks, hold team dinners and put up with countless reheated dinners and cater to the kids sports schedules endlessly. I want someone who teaches my kids things they might not know otherwise...how to make a ginger bread house, what snow cream is...what southern cuisine is like and funny Southern sayings, about the importance of etiquette, manners, thank you cards..reinforcing those ideas. I want a buffer between me and the kids at times and someone who helps expose the kids to different things so that they grow up better somehow than they might have had she never come into our lives. I want someone to help my girls with fashion haps and mis-haps, broken hearts and crazy boy friends. I want someone who can offer the kids a different view point than either their Mother or I do. I want someone who does all she does and really the older kids don't even tell her goodbye on switch day most of the time....and only lately have they even stopped to thank her once in a while for anything. I want someone who comes out strong in my defense but also tells me when I'm being unreasonable or too hard on the kids. I want someone who the kids feel they can go to for advice on how to approach their Dad and/or their Mother at times when they need guidance. I want someone who is always pleasant to my children's mother and to every member of my family regardless of whether I am or not. I want someone who, no matter what kind of day she's had or even if she's in bed, is willing to jump up, clean up and go out with me and our friends at the drop of a hat and still make me proud she's mine.
I want her to dust, sweep, and vacuum three floors of our home almost every other day. I want her to think to change the bed clothes and force the kids to do the same. I want her to wash, fold and put away everyone's clothes ...which our 17 year old girls have only been doing their own since they were 16. She needs to keep the sink empty and the dishwasher cycling. I want someone to think of the little things....like treats for school, keeping tissues in those pretty little boxes all over the house, keeping the hand soap dispensers full, making sure the baby wipes are full in all the rooms we spend the most time inmand in each car, of making handprint art, maintaining a fun growth chart for our little boy, making sure that the most current pictures of the kids are framed and displayed nicely in the living room, keeping fresh water in the dog's bowls, brushing the dogs, taking the dogs to the groomers and making vet appointments as needed all around, participating in neighborhood get togethers, making Halloween costumes, cooking for pot lucks, packing the to go bag when we go somewhere with our little one. I want someone who knows when to butt out, and knows when to butt in a bit. And I'm sure I'm leaving things out....but most of all too, I want someone who though far from perfect..and though she nags some and gets cranky some...loves us all very much and shows it or tries to in so so many ways.
Lessons learned
- It takes a lot to run a home and raise a family. I think when you sit and start to even try to list what you do, it becomes apparent what your contributions are and what they aren't.
- I'll say it. So many kids have lives very different from our kids. Our kids are fortunate...so so fortunate and I hope that if not now...some day they realize it and pass it on to their own kids and in that, appreciate us more.
- It's a wonder my husband and I have time to get together at all. We mange, but it isn't as frequent as I'd like and it takes effort.
- I can tell you right now, my parents had nothing like this experience. We were involved in fewer extra curricular activities and were more self sufficient. It's a trade off, I suppose because they didn't have the conveniences we have either. I watch my Mother try to cope in the chaos that is my home and I have to both chuckle at her and feel for her. She just has never experienced chaos like ours.
- Moms and Stepmom's really do add so much to the life experience of the family. Single Dads.....hats off to you. I'm quite certain your lives are the most difficult of all. And it's not fair we can't all have a wife...not fair at all!
- Even though I'm tired....when I get a hug, or a thanks or a smile from these children or a smack on the backside from my husband or one of the kids, though I can go on for days about the stuff I do; I'd still rather be the mama and Stepmom. It's the most fulfilling job in the world. Your pay isn't hitting the bank...but hopefully impacts the world in a positive way and will long after you're gone, How cool is that? We'll rest later! Right?
Good StepMom
