Kids are truly Gods gift
I sit here tonight after having listened to the prayer vigil for those poor people in Connecticut and I am moved to turn from the sarcastic to the reverent. My heart breaks for those little babies and for their families. While most of my posts highlight the edgy and amusing parts of being a Step Mother, I am moved now to speak about the other side. Indulge me please.
First time I was introduced to my step kids, the oldest, the boy, was polite, hesitant yet appreciative of my attention and quick to bond with me. We would sit covered up with a throw on the sofa and he would ask me to rub his head, just be with him. He was a dear and no matter what, or how old he gets, he’s my boy, I love him and I look forward to seeing the man he becomes. I wish more closeness for him and his Dad, he’s a hero to our little boy and I’m thankful he’s part of our lives. He’s healthy, he’s handsome, he’s smart and quick witted. And also to his credit, I have never come across anyone outside our home who has ever had a negative thing to say about him. I have to tell you, that feels pretty good.
Our next in line, oldest daughter by 15 minutes. She says those were the best 15 minutes of her life by the way! My initial impression of her was that she was spoiled, whiny and completely over the top. Selfish, self absorbed , snobby and unkind at times. When we were all new together, when in unfamiliar social situations, she would be the one who would physically cling to me, almost as if she were claiming territory or maybe just reminding me she was there. She still does this, but I now think of it as comforting that at the age of 17 she still cares to do this. This daughter was a more mature conversationalist early on than was her sister. She’s the one who one night, when I had started dating her Dad, and she realized I had lost my husband and was alone when they’d go home asked me, Christy, do you ever get scared being all by yourself? She’s the one who said to me one night, I really like you and all, but is it wrong of me to tell you I still hope my Mom and Dad get back together? She trusted me enough to say those things. This is the one who bonded with our little boy so strongly from the beginning. He loves her to death. She comes to me for advice or just to talk about what’s up. She likes my cooking. She’s pretty and fashionable. She ain’t perfect but she’s alright and I love her and I think she loves me. I’m happy she’s healthy, seems to do alright in school and again, outside our home, all good things people have to say and it makes me feel good
Youngest girl, our informer, our little nosey fib teller. This was my girl from the start. She felt her brother was her Mother’s favorite, her sister was her Father’s favorite, so she said, she now had me. I Always the reliable one…she did what you asked, she did more around the house than her sister. She’s pushy, loud, outspoken and sort of in your space. She’s sweet natured, kind..always sides with the under dog, she’s pretty. She’s smart, ..tough…. A pleaser…hard headed as all get out. She’s her Mother’s girl, but she still confides in me too and asks what I think about things. She tries with her baby brother which I so appreciate, she has Hero worship for her older brother. She’s a good girl and I love her dearly.
I’m not sure my talking about my baby boy fits in so well due to the fact that I write mostly about my Step Mother experiences. However with the events of the past few days and by the way Dec 14th, the day of the Connecticut school shooting is my birthday; I am moved to say this. I went through my first marriage without children, we had our reasons, I guess. I had my only child at the age of 49. I waited a life time to create him. I try to imagine what it would be like to lose him now. My dear sister in law and brother in law lost their 17 month old just over a year ago. They just had another baby and I am so so happy for them. So up close and personal I have wondered about this type of grief before. Now, at the hands of an obviously mentally twisted individual, twenty sets of parents just lost their child. I’m pretty strong, but I can’t allow myself to go there, not even for just a second. My heart just goes out to them all. I don’t know what else to say.
Lessons learned
One of my first memories of us all was on a car ride. Rule they had was each person got to choose a song from Dad’s iPod. As their Dad and I held hands, and they giggled…it came time for one of them to choose and they selected Tom Jones’ she’s a Lady. Right there right then I fell in love with those three monkeys. I knew at that moment we were going to be family.
I love my kids. They may make me mad, they might embarrass me, they might make me crazy but they are my kids and they make my life so much more rich by being in it. I look forward to seeing who they all become, I hope I’m around long enough to enjoy knowing them then and seeing them become parents in their own right. Don’t let me fool you otherwise, they are the light of my life and mind you three out of four of them are my Steps!
Given the age of me and my husband, we will entrust our little boy in part to his siblings. He’s going to need them. I pray their bond carries on and continues to grow. One day they will be all he has.
God willing, no true evil will touch my children or yours and they will grow to be old and gray. Let’s pray it’s true.
Good StepMom
