Right now the girls are at their Moms. The guys are asleep, I’ve had a couple glasses of wine and I’m sitting here teary eyed at what’s happening. I don’t completely understand it except to say that this is part of what makes women who we are.
I only really lived with our oldest boy for about 4 years, the last of which he was rarely home so though he and I have a certain fondness for each other, I wouldn’t call us close. But there have been a few times since he’s moved away to go to college, that he’s pleasantly surprised me. Last night he did. More on that later. I have lived with the girls for longer, about 7 years. With them it’s been up and down, drama, anger, disappointment, sharing sadness and thrills…now as we’ve had their senior year, awaiting graduation and planning their party, I’m hit with waves of emotion. Look, I didn’t birth any of these kids. I don’t get it. I’m the one who always said to myself steady old girl, one day they’ll fly off. I’m the one who on more than one occasion thought if I have to pick up one more dirty glass or bowl I’m going to freak. I’m the one who occasionally thought oh yeah, go on out and you’ll see…it ain’t easy and you’ve had it so incredibly easy…And now headed into our last summer together before they go do their thing, I’m sitting alone in the dark crying…what the?
Have you ever wondered at how an entire egg can be sucked out through a little tiny hole? How does a tornado do such mass destruction, tear a house in half but leave a glass sitting on a table or drive a straw through a board? Remember those weird scenes in movies where someone runs and runs and the hall grows and grows longer then snaps back? It’s like that for me now. I’ve been on this crazy maddening, wonderful frenetic ride with these kids and I’m just at the point where they’re about to fly the nest and I’m snapped back! I’m happy for them, terrified for them. I’m sad for the baby. We knew we were in essence bringing him into the world to be an only child but to see it unfolding is unsettling. There’s never a doubt when the girls are here, and no doubt when they’re gone. And they’re gone more now of course. I suppose I’m a little scared because my hubby and I…all we’ve really ever been since we started is parents. We never had an us before there was a we. Major adjustment for us too. The old adage be careful what you wish for comes to mind. I trust we’ll find our way but it will definitely be a new way.
So as we head into graduation week let me say…for all the craziness…we’ve (the three of us) raised two physically beautiful girls, head strong girls. They aren’t perfect but show me a kid who is. May the good lord be with us all as we try to find our new way…every one of us.
It sounds stupid to say that it’s all so short but it is…it really truly is.
I see now how my parents must have felt and I regret I didn’t fully appreciate that when it was happening.
Time goes on and change is constant, like it or not. Really we should stop once in a while and bookmark…just enjoy the moment. It’s so hard to stop and remember to do that but we really should. I’m going to try to practice that with little man. If not with him, then who?
When you shake a jar of marbles for a really long time then stop…it’s really quiet.
We’re just inches from these drama queens leaving the roost. Sp why aren’t I dancing?